Watch Out for The Bears

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to
take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Gallatin,
Helena and Lewis and Clark National Forests golf courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert, but not startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a
bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.

Golfers should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and
grizzly bear droppings on the golf course. Black bear droppings are smaller
and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

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A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named "Rolex" and the other named "Timex". Her friend said, "Whoever
heard
of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HelOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

The thought of doing a glory hole had never occurred to me... It was something I'd never done before, but just the thought of sucking and stroking numerous hard cocks at the same time had me horny as hell. I was a bit nervous, not the bad kind of nervous though. The kind you get right before that test you know you are going to ace! The kind of "nervous" that makes you want to perform better and I had planned on doing just that. I knew, after the excitement I felt growing between my legs, I wouldn't be happy till every cock had shot it's thick load all over my face and tits! Having pictures of it had my pussy dripping sweet juices down the inside of my legs as I walked into the theater…. led was more like it as Dirty D took me to the "preplanned " event, where I would get my first glory hole experience. Like a lamb to the wolf...

The sound of muffled moaning and screams of pleasure emitted from the little booths as I passed them. Finally, I get to a door where I am told to enter. My slut training has begun. I kneel down in front of the wall and notice a few men standing in a line waiting to get a peek through . . .

Then, he said "Fuck you!"

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was rebooking a long line of
inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight
and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm
sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've
got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out." The passenger was
unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I
AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed
her public address microphone. "May I have your
attention please," she began her voice heard clearly
throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at
Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can
help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing
hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,
gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without
flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but
you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Two women walking home pissed. They had to do a pee so they ducked into a graveyard.

They had no toilet paper so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other used a ribbon from a wreath.

The next day their husbands were talking. "We'd better keep an eye on our wives" one said.

"Mine came back home without her knickers"...."you think that's bad" said the other,

"Mine had a card up her arse saying........from all the lads at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you"

Subject: Things I never learned in Hebrew school


1. What business is a Yenta in? Yours.

2. No meal is complete without leftovers.

3. Tsuris is a Yiddish word that means your child is marrying someone who
isn't Jewish.

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in
Chinese restaurants.

5. A schmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

6. You need 10 men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white
shoes for pinochle.

7. Prune Danish is definitely an acquired taste.

8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.

9. If your name were Lipschitz, you'd change it too. [e.g. Ralph "Lauren"]

10. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

11. Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

12. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

13. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

14. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Palm Beach.

15. WASPs leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.

16. Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of
magnesia.

17. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

18. Always whisper the names of diseases.

19. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

20. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which
alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.

21. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at
four in the afternoon in Florida.