> >ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
> >
> >A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
> >her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time
>the
> >smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.
> >When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to
>the
> >driver and he had the man arrested.
> >
> >The case came up in court.. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
> >what he had to say for himself.
> >
> >The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on
> >the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets
> >sign that said , "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
> >Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will
>reduce
> >the swelling", and I had to smile.
> >Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big
> >Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself..
> >
BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that
> >said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident", I just lost
>it."
"CASE DISMISSED!!"
Friday, December 26
Thursday, December 25
Hot Slut Clothes
What if Master made you wear this around your neck?
And/or two as earrings, or attached to your nipple rings?
Does it make you wet to think about it?
Monday, December 15
Saturday, December 13
A husband shopping center (HusbandMart) has just opened where a woman may go
to choose a husband from among many men. The
store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.
As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but
if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor
the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These
men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's
better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" so up she
goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further
up?" and up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are
extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says,
"but I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the
woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" Again she heads
up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework
and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But, just think, what must
be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor number
123,456,789,012,345 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This
floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you
for shopping at HusbandMart and
have a nice day.
to choose a husband from among many men. The
store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.
As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but
if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor
the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These
men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's
better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" so up she
goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further
up?" and up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are
extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says,
"but I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the
woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" Again she heads
up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework
and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But, just think, what must
be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor number
123,456,789,012,345 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This
floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you
for shopping at HusbandMart and
have a nice day.
Saturday, December 6
Stringtanga-Messageboard ( für Fans von erotischer Bademode ): "
von Joe am 1.Dec.2003 09:51 (vorlesen)
Für die nächste Planung des Sommerurlaubs ;-)) habe ich hier etwas gefunden:
Top 10 Sexiest Beaches
by Nadine Silverthorne
Feeling cold? Turn up the heat with these world famous steamy and sexy shorelines.
10. Natadola Beach, Viti Levu, Fiji
Made up of 300 tiny islands, go to Fiji for the ultimate in island-hopping. Considered the most dazzling shoreline on Fiji's main island, Natadola Beach makes your fantasies of a South Pacific refuge a reality. Splash in the huge waves or try body surfing or horseback riding. Perfect for those who can't hack extremely high temperatures, Fiji means you can heat things up without passing out — unless, of course, you're into that.
9. Nissi Beach, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Shhh… Cyprus is still a big secret to most vacationers. For travellers looking for a sexy place to suntan, kick back, meet new people and dance the night away, Ayia Napa is open for business. With 20 or so clubs and bars within a mile of each other, and the world's superstar DJs flying in all summer, the new clubbers' capital has arrived. Along the sultry, sandy beaches littered with Eurotrash, you'll find an abundance of watersports, though most beach-goers lay catatonic, recovering from the night before. Avoid July and August if you'd rather be around a more mature crowd.
8. Gumbet Beach, Bodrum, Turkey
On Turkey's Aegean coast, Bodrum balances the perfect mix of ancient and modern worlds. The 15th century Castle of St. Peter stands in sharp contrast against the island's many modern resorts, restaurants and boutiques. Try a steamy Turkish bath, slide through the giant water theme park, or take a boat to remote coves for snorkelling. If water is not your thing, discover some of the cheapest shopping anywhere, taste the exceptional cuisine, or dance your cares away at the remarkable outdoor nightclubs. Looking for quiet? Go elsewhere.
7. Cancun, Mexico
With its world-class clubs, cuisine and coastline, you can't beat Cancun for a quick jaunt of fun, fantasy and frolic. With the majority of hotels right on the breathtaking strip of beach, just suit up, grab a towel and sink your feet into the silkiest white sand. Make your way into the turquoise waters, where schools of fish wade along-side you. At night, head out to the opulent discos, and hang on tight as you sway to the sexy Latin beats. Then walk back to home base just in time to see the tequila sunrise come up over the waves.
6. Cape Tribulation Beach, Cape Tribulation, Australia
Tired of fighting with hundreds of tourists for a little patch of sand? Located in the North Eastern province of Queensland, Cape Tribulation Beach offers a secluded and pristine beachfront, while being close to the most amazing scuba diving in the world. Surrounded by the Great Barrier Reef to one side and the Daintree rainforest on the other, this is an adventure-lover's heaven. Though there's not much else around, couples should have no trouble keeping busy in this sensual paradise.
5. South Beach, Miami, USA
Where America's beautiful people come to play, and where many celebrities flock to escape the Hollywood hoopla (or to open restaurants). Bronzed bodies play beach volleyball all day, while the less sports-inclined scatter to the expensive boutiques on Ocean Drive for activity of another kind. The Art Deco district makes for a romantic walk through vintage pastel-coloured buildings and neon lights. Peak season is November to April, with the Winter Music Conference (March) being the highlight, as the world's top DJs congregate for the biggest party this side of the Atlantic.
4. Patong Beach, Phuket, Thailand
The largest and most popular beach on Thailand's Phuket Island, Patong Beach houses everything from beach hut accommodations to five-star resorts. With great shopping and nightlife, healthy and delicious Thai restaurants, and afternoon beachside Thai massages, Patong is a must for those who love to be pampered.
3. Ipanema Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Responsible for the thong bikinis, it would be tough to find better bodies anywhere on Earth than in Rio. The girls from Ipanema and the boys from Brazil bask on the beach all day; then they hit the Ipanema neighbourhood's famous shopping and nightclub areas. Summertime is December to March, with New Year's Eve and the Carnival being the craziest times to be there. Also check out nearby Copacabana — the world's most famous, crowded, and touristy beach — or party with the hip locals at Tijuca Beach. If you get swept away by the sexy atmosphere, just blame it on Rio!
2. Paradise Beach, Mykonos Island, Greece
Though many of the Greek Islands throw a good party, Mykonos has an all-day party aspect that truly makes this THE destination for global partiers and people looking for some summer lovin'. In the morning, Paradise Beach is a haven for sleep-deprived bar-goers who need to catch some zees and chill out in the Mediterranean sun. By the afternoon, Paradise Beach becomes an outdoor playground. The day jam starts when the Tropicana Beach Bar unleashes its beats, playing Pied Piper to the predominantly topless beach bums, beckoning them to get a drink, dance on the bar and indulge in other hedonistic acts. Opa!
1. Playa d'en Bosa, Ibiza, Spain
One of the Balearic Islands off Spain's Mediterranean coast, Ibiza is known for its sexy nightlife. Playa d'en Bosa's strip of sand has about 50 hopping bars, and it houses the most popular beach area of Bora Bora — where the world's pretty young things get rest and rays after a long night of bumping and grinding at the clubs. Situated just north of the beach is the island's party mecca, Ibiza Town, with nightclubs that go well into the morning (most with clothing optional dress codes). The season gets caliente from May to October — get there before the party's over.
Catch the steamy — and sometimes silly — antics on everyone's favourite guilty pleasure, Temptation Island. Tuesday nights @ 10 PM ET.
HomePage Hier direkt nachzulesen
von Joe am 1.Dec.2003 09:51 (vorlesen)
Für die nächste Planung des Sommerurlaubs ;-)) habe ich hier etwas gefunden:
Top 10 Sexiest Beaches
by Nadine Silverthorne
Feeling cold? Turn up the heat with these world famous steamy and sexy shorelines.
10. Natadola Beach, Viti Levu, Fiji
Made up of 300 tiny islands, go to Fiji for the ultimate in island-hopping. Considered the most dazzling shoreline on Fiji's main island, Natadola Beach makes your fantasies of a South Pacific refuge a reality. Splash in the huge waves or try body surfing or horseback riding. Perfect for those who can't hack extremely high temperatures, Fiji means you can heat things up without passing out — unless, of course, you're into that.
9. Nissi Beach, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Shhh… Cyprus is still a big secret to most vacationers. For travellers looking for a sexy place to suntan, kick back, meet new people and dance the night away, Ayia Napa is open for business. With 20 or so clubs and bars within a mile of each other, and the world's superstar DJs flying in all summer, the new clubbers' capital has arrived. Along the sultry, sandy beaches littered with Eurotrash, you'll find an abundance of watersports, though most beach-goers lay catatonic, recovering from the night before. Avoid July and August if you'd rather be around a more mature crowd.
8. Gumbet Beach, Bodrum, Turkey
On Turkey's Aegean coast, Bodrum balances the perfect mix of ancient and modern worlds. The 15th century Castle of St. Peter stands in sharp contrast against the island's many modern resorts, restaurants and boutiques. Try a steamy Turkish bath, slide through the giant water theme park, or take a boat to remote coves for snorkelling. If water is not your thing, discover some of the cheapest shopping anywhere, taste the exceptional cuisine, or dance your cares away at the remarkable outdoor nightclubs. Looking for quiet? Go elsewhere.
7. Cancun, Mexico
With its world-class clubs, cuisine and coastline, you can't beat Cancun for a quick jaunt of fun, fantasy and frolic. With the majority of hotels right on the breathtaking strip of beach, just suit up, grab a towel and sink your feet into the silkiest white sand. Make your way into the turquoise waters, where schools of fish wade along-side you. At night, head out to the opulent discos, and hang on tight as you sway to the sexy Latin beats. Then walk back to home base just in time to see the tequila sunrise come up over the waves.
6. Cape Tribulation Beach, Cape Tribulation, Australia
Tired of fighting with hundreds of tourists for a little patch of sand? Located in the North Eastern province of Queensland, Cape Tribulation Beach offers a secluded and pristine beachfront, while being close to the most amazing scuba diving in the world. Surrounded by the Great Barrier Reef to one side and the Daintree rainforest on the other, this is an adventure-lover's heaven. Though there's not much else around, couples should have no trouble keeping busy in this sensual paradise.
5. South Beach, Miami, USA
Where America's beautiful people come to play, and where many celebrities flock to escape the Hollywood hoopla (or to open restaurants). Bronzed bodies play beach volleyball all day, while the less sports-inclined scatter to the expensive boutiques on Ocean Drive for activity of another kind. The Art Deco district makes for a romantic walk through vintage pastel-coloured buildings and neon lights. Peak season is November to April, with the Winter Music Conference (March) being the highlight, as the world's top DJs congregate for the biggest party this side of the Atlantic.
4. Patong Beach, Phuket, Thailand
The largest and most popular beach on Thailand's Phuket Island, Patong Beach houses everything from beach hut accommodations to five-star resorts. With great shopping and nightlife, healthy and delicious Thai restaurants, and afternoon beachside Thai massages, Patong is a must for those who love to be pampered.
3. Ipanema Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Responsible for the thong bikinis, it would be tough to find better bodies anywhere on Earth than in Rio. The girls from Ipanema and the boys from Brazil bask on the beach all day; then they hit the Ipanema neighbourhood's famous shopping and nightclub areas. Summertime is December to March, with New Year's Eve and the Carnival being the craziest times to be there. Also check out nearby Copacabana — the world's most famous, crowded, and touristy beach — or party with the hip locals at Tijuca Beach. If you get swept away by the sexy atmosphere, just blame it on Rio!
2. Paradise Beach, Mykonos Island, Greece
Though many of the Greek Islands throw a good party, Mykonos has an all-day party aspect that truly makes this THE destination for global partiers and people looking for some summer lovin'. In the morning, Paradise Beach is a haven for sleep-deprived bar-goers who need to catch some zees and chill out in the Mediterranean sun. By the afternoon, Paradise Beach becomes an outdoor playground. The day jam starts when the Tropicana Beach Bar unleashes its beats, playing Pied Piper to the predominantly topless beach bums, beckoning them to get a drink, dance on the bar and indulge in other hedonistic acts. Opa!
1. Playa d'en Bosa, Ibiza, Spain
One of the Balearic Islands off Spain's Mediterranean coast, Ibiza is known for its sexy nightlife. Playa d'en Bosa's strip of sand has about 50 hopping bars, and it houses the most popular beach area of Bora Bora — where the world's pretty young things get rest and rays after a long night of bumping and grinding at the clubs. Situated just north of the beach is the island's party mecca, Ibiza Town, with nightclubs that go well into the morning (most with clothing optional dress codes). The season gets caliente from May to October — get there before the party's over.
Catch the steamy — and sometimes silly — antics on everyone's favourite guilty pleasure, Temptation Island. Tuesday nights @ 10 PM ET.
HomePage Hier direkt nachzulesen
Friday, December 5
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post
through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at
the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who
all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque
for $500.
At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold
box.
The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she
blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him
a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but
what's the five dollars for?"
Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would
be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked
him what to give you".
He said, "Fuck him. Give him five bucks." She smiled prettily. "The
breakfast was my idea."
through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at
the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who
all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque
for $500.
At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold
box.
The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she
blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him
a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but
what's the five dollars for?"
Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would
be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked
him what to give you".
He said, "Fuck him. Give him five bucks." She smiled prettily. "The
breakfast was my idea."
A New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple. When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is complete the woman thanks the judge and says "Now I have to arrange for a Get."
The judge inquires what she means by a Get. So, the woman explains that a Get is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce.
The judge says, "You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?
She replies "Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire schmuck
The judge inquires what she means by a Get. So, the woman explains that a Get is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce.
The judge says, "You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?
She replies "Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire schmuck
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