Submissive's Creed
Author Unknown
I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Top and I from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm.
I will not try to manipulate my Top. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. In other words, I will not top from the bottom.
I will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not comfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.
I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Top, and will do my best to fulfill his wishes and desires.
I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused. I know that submissive does not equal doormat.
I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been. I will take the time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.
I will be responsive to my Top. I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist him in his responsibilities as my authority. I know that Dominants are not telepaths, and will not expect my Top to know thoughts or feelings which I do not share.
I will accept in the responsibility of a scene or relationship gone b
Wednesday, December 25
PETITES VICIEUSES 1 - DYNAMITE
MONICA ET BEATRIZ
éditions Dynamite
collection Bande-dessinée
Référence : C206
texte en Français
parution janvier 2002
poids 300 gr
format 215X300
présentation Cartonné-Couleur
48 pages
D'origine espagnole, piliers de la revue El Vibora, Monica et Beatriz ont réalisé avec les "Pequeñas viciozas" une des rares séries érotiques conseillées par le Musée de la BD d'Angoulême dans sa Bédéthèque idéale. Indispensable.
Avec leurs jupettes à carreaux et leurs socquettes blanches, on leur donnerait le bon dieu sans confession. Erreur : elles ont des idées vicieuses plein la tête ! Gloria (le portrait de l'innocence) est masochiste, Laura (toujours très pieuse) se prostitue, Susy et Esther (élèves studieuses) sont lesbiennes, Julia (de famille bourgeoise) fantasme sur les Noirs, Marina (encore vierge) est voyeuse...
À noter : un album de cette série avait déjà été traduit il y a une dizaine d'années, mais celui-ci est inédit.
Relié - 215 x 300 - 48 pages
Monday, December 23
A fellow from Scotland is attending his first baseball game.
After the pitcher throws four bad pitches, the batter tosses his bat aside
and starts to walk to first base.
The fellow from Scotland stands up and yells, "Run, man, run!!!!"
The fan next to him says, "He doesn't have to run ---- he has four balls."
And the Scot yells, "Walk with pride,man --- walk with pride!!!!"
Sunday, December 22
Oasis took a deep breath. "No, Mistress, I am not sorry," she said, raising her eyes to the level of her inquiry. Staying a steady look was not easy. Oasis was right, Mistress was nothing but white electricity. Philippe stepped past Suzanne, and placed his finger under Oasis’ chin, turning her gaze to him. His expression was soft, his smile even softer. When he bent to kiss her mouth gently, she felt, at least for him, her answer had been correct.
"You have 20 minutes to prepare yourself to go out for the evening. I suggest you get started. Philippe and I will pick what you will wear," Suzanne commanded. "Put your hair up Oasis. I think all things that bite need to wear collars." With her dismissal, Suzanne opened the closet, "Let’s see. What would such a pet wear?" Pushing the hanging clothes, her eyes spied the box towards the back. Removing the lid and seeing the gown, she knew this was her fancy. Taking it out, the jeweler’s box and the note fell to the floor beside her. Finding an empty hanger for the gown, she secured it on the hook, then retrieved both items. Reading the note, she laughed with understanding. "Naughty Philippe," she thought, "using poor Elisa that way to make "tit for tat" on jealousies." Opening the jeweler’s box, her mind began to form her own naughty ideas. With gown and choker in hand, she slid the note into her garter, pressing it smooth against her skin, thinking this evening she may enjoy the opera for a change.
"Philippe? This is a lovely ensemble. Don’t you think?" She asked innocently.
His hesitation alone spoke volumes to her, but the change in demeanor that rippled across his features, told her this nerve was still exposed. She watched with fascination, while he tried to mask these feelings.
"That is fine Suzanne," he growled, checking his watch, and going to look in on Oasis. Standing in the doorway he examined her. When she turned to look at him, her face washed of all make-up, her hair pulled up away from her face, she looked like a startled child. "Continue Oasis, you still have some time left." He saw relief touch her features, before she turned away, her reflected eyes in the mirror, intent on her task. Balancing on the edge of the vanity, he watched her apply each layer, maturing the child she could be, into the woman between. Having a limit on time, should have made her nervous and hurried. Seeing her methodical, calm approach to meet this crush on time, he hoped if there was ever a crisis, she would be on his side of the field.
Placing himself behind her, he kissed her shoulders across her back. Still she continued, pausing the eyeliner only a second in mid air, before dismissing his intrusion. He waited until each eye was done, then began again, his lips up to her neck, placing soft kisses. Lips still grazing her skin, he glanced in the mirror, and smiled against her skin, seeing her hands tremble some, retrieving her mascara. Again allowing her to finish each eye, his lips moved up to her ear. "Are you ready Oasis," he whispered, his short beard making her shiver. He knew this was not fair play to her, but seeing her begin to fluster under his touch, made it a challenge. Her hands belied anything she tried to hide. They trembled and scattered the various lipsticks, until she stopped all movement and glared at him. "Hurry," he smiled into her ear, ignoring this flame in her eyes. Feeling her breathe in her determination, her hand grabbed one of the fallen tubes, not even glancing the color, and began to apply it without losing his reflection. With the last stroke of her cylinder pen, she looked at herself, and smiled triumphantly at him. She knew this one small battle, had been won.
Pressing against her, theirs eyes meeting in the reflection, he entwined his fingers on top on her hands, and pulled them up, over her head against the mirror, holding her there. Her breath began to fog the mirror in front of them, distorting the lines of her mouth. "Breathe any harder Oasis, and you will make us both disappear." Her kiss to the mirror clouded more, his knee pushing her legs apart, his body against hers, sliding her panty up and down against the edge of the vanities hard surface. Pulling his arms and hers back down, he embraced her this way, his hold and hers, melding her against him. With his mouth to her ear again he whispered, "You are ready, but are you ready?" Seeing his mirror close her eyes, he had the answer. Releasing his hold to her hands, he released himself, entering her, the panty still in place, only moved to one side, allowing him access. Her hands flattened against the mirror pushing herself back towards him, her desire seen apparent with each breath. With a patient restraint, he pulled away from her. Her eyed reflection blurred by her fogged desire, he smiled. "You will wait."
He lead her by the hand out of the bathroom into the visual embrace of Suzanne. Her inspection, as efficient as a drill sergeant, to her commands of Oasis’ appearance. Lifting a few tresses of hair from Oasis’ neck, and placing them behind the clasp securing her hair, she seemed satisfied to continue.
"Kneel Oasis," she spoke, her voice a quite, but expecting tone. The choker she had bundled in one hand, and when she let it dangle before Oasis’ eyes, the pained expression she saw in this look, told her, the wearing of this kind of collar, was exactly a fitting torture. Securing it around Oasis’ neck, she said, " To wear an elegance brings pleasure to one’s self for others to see. To know one is bound through this elegance by choice, when other’s look upon you, you will burn with the knowledge that they may see, something biting, something needing some restraint."
[Source: AParadiseforSubmissiveFemales@groups.msn.com ]
"You have 20 minutes to prepare yourself to go out for the evening. I suggest you get started. Philippe and I will pick what you will wear," Suzanne commanded. "Put your hair up Oasis. I think all things that bite need to wear collars." With her dismissal, Suzanne opened the closet, "Let’s see. What would such a pet wear?" Pushing the hanging clothes, her eyes spied the box towards the back. Removing the lid and seeing the gown, she knew this was her fancy. Taking it out, the jeweler’s box and the note fell to the floor beside her. Finding an empty hanger for the gown, she secured it on the hook, then retrieved both items. Reading the note, she laughed with understanding. "Naughty Philippe," she thought, "using poor Elisa that way to make "tit for tat" on jealousies." Opening the jeweler’s box, her mind began to form her own naughty ideas. With gown and choker in hand, she slid the note into her garter, pressing it smooth against her skin, thinking this evening she may enjoy the opera for a change.
"Philippe? This is a lovely ensemble. Don’t you think?" She asked innocently.
His hesitation alone spoke volumes to her, but the change in demeanor that rippled across his features, told her this nerve was still exposed. She watched with fascination, while he tried to mask these feelings.
"That is fine Suzanne," he growled, checking his watch, and going to look in on Oasis. Standing in the doorway he examined her. When she turned to look at him, her face washed of all make-up, her hair pulled up away from her face, she looked like a startled child. "Continue Oasis, you still have some time left." He saw relief touch her features, before she turned away, her reflected eyes in the mirror, intent on her task. Balancing on the edge of the vanity, he watched her apply each layer, maturing the child she could be, into the woman between. Having a limit on time, should have made her nervous and hurried. Seeing her methodical, calm approach to meet this crush on time, he hoped if there was ever a crisis, she would be on his side of the field.
Placing himself behind her, he kissed her shoulders across her back. Still she continued, pausing the eyeliner only a second in mid air, before dismissing his intrusion. He waited until each eye was done, then began again, his lips up to her neck, placing soft kisses. Lips still grazing her skin, he glanced in the mirror, and smiled against her skin, seeing her hands tremble some, retrieving her mascara. Again allowing her to finish each eye, his lips moved up to her ear. "Are you ready Oasis," he whispered, his short beard making her shiver. He knew this was not fair play to her, but seeing her begin to fluster under his touch, made it a challenge. Her hands belied anything she tried to hide. They trembled and scattered the various lipsticks, until she stopped all movement and glared at him. "Hurry," he smiled into her ear, ignoring this flame in her eyes. Feeling her breathe in her determination, her hand grabbed one of the fallen tubes, not even glancing the color, and began to apply it without losing his reflection. With the last stroke of her cylinder pen, she looked at herself, and smiled triumphantly at him. She knew this one small battle, had been won.
Pressing against her, theirs eyes meeting in the reflection, he entwined his fingers on top on her hands, and pulled them up, over her head against the mirror, holding her there. Her breath began to fog the mirror in front of them, distorting the lines of her mouth. "Breathe any harder Oasis, and you will make us both disappear." Her kiss to the mirror clouded more, his knee pushing her legs apart, his body against hers, sliding her panty up and down against the edge of the vanities hard surface. Pulling his arms and hers back down, he embraced her this way, his hold and hers, melding her against him. With his mouth to her ear again he whispered, "You are ready, but are you ready?" Seeing his mirror close her eyes, he had the answer. Releasing his hold to her hands, he released himself, entering her, the panty still in place, only moved to one side, allowing him access. Her hands flattened against the mirror pushing herself back towards him, her desire seen apparent with each breath. With a patient restraint, he pulled away from her. Her eyed reflection blurred by her fogged desire, he smiled. "You will wait."
He lead her by the hand out of the bathroom into the visual embrace of Suzanne. Her inspection, as efficient as a drill sergeant, to her commands of Oasis’ appearance. Lifting a few tresses of hair from Oasis’ neck, and placing them behind the clasp securing her hair, she seemed satisfied to continue.
"Kneel Oasis," she spoke, her voice a quite, but expecting tone. The choker she had bundled in one hand, and when she let it dangle before Oasis’ eyes, the pained expression she saw in this look, told her, the wearing of this kind of collar, was exactly a fitting torture. Securing it around Oasis’ neck, she said, " To wear an elegance brings pleasure to one’s self for others to see. To know one is bound through this elegance by choice, when other’s look upon you, you will burn with the knowledge that they may see, something biting, something needing some restraint."
[Source: AParadiseforSubmissiveFemales@groups.msn.com ]
Saturday, December 14
The Bitch Put this on and you'll automatically live up to it's name :-)
Lined satin and boned bustier with 6 suspenders and sizes up to UK 36.
£89.00 including Free Shipping Worldwide within 3/4 weeks
Lined satin and boned bustier with 6 suspenders and sizes up to UK 36.
£89.00 including Free Shipping Worldwide within 3/4 weeks
Friday, December 13
PEE-WEE HERMAN AND THE POSTMODERN PICARESQUE
by
MELYNDA HUSKEY
Department of English
North Carolina State University
_Postmodern Culture_ v.2 n.2 (January, 1992)
It's been six months since "Pee-Wee's Big Misadventure"
was released to an eager public; the July 26th arrest of
Paul Reubens for indecent exposure spurred renewed interest
in what had been a fading cult. Only die-hards were still
taping Saturday morning "Playhouse" episodes, and "Big Top
Pee-Wee" had disappointed fans hoping for another jeu
d'esprit on the model of "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure." Even a
blissful cameo in the otherwise pedestrian "Back to the
Beach" (Pee-Wee, balanced precariously on a surfboard, was
borne shoulder-high by avatars of Tito, the Playhouse's
hunky lifeguard) failed to spark real interest. According
to Peter Wilkinson's rather solemn post-mortem, "Who Killed
Pee-Wee Herman?" (_Rolling Stone_, 3 October 1991), Paul
Reubens himself was weary of being Pee-Wee; he was ready to
branch out. So Pee-Wee Herman is not likely to reappear
except in re-runs for some time. MTV has picked up the five
years' worth of "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" episodes; both "The
Pee-Wee Herman Show," a taped version of the club act that
started the Pee-Wee story, and "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure"
enjoy moderate rentals in video stores. But Paul Reubens is
no longer the post-industrial Casabianca, standing at
attention on the burning deck of "Entertainment Tonight,"
and his hip-hop claque has gone home.
[2] With Pee-Wee out of the way, I can finally justify
a valedictory consideration of the supreme moment in his
career, "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure." There is no denying that
"Big Adventure" is the zenith of the Herman oeuvre; it is
the central text in Pee-Wee criticism. "Big Top Pee-Wee,"
in comparison, is an embarrassment--hardly worth a mention.
Tuesday, December 10
Monday, December 9
Slave Girl
By Claire Thompson [authoress of Frog: A Tale of Sexual Torture and Degradation]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Price: $4.00 (eBook)
Category: Adult Erotica, General Fiction
---> > Diary of a Snow Shoveler
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0".
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just done!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x Christmas. 20 more inches of the F=3D@x@!x!x slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot.
If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze.
Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0".
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just done!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x Christmas. 20 more inches of the F=3D@x@!x!x slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot.
If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze.
Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Saturday, December 7
Tuesday, December 3
We cleaned up some broken links and hope it all works better for you. Please submit your links and content suggestions or contributions.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the
headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg,
looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg,
looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
Monday, December 2
When stupid people breed:
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
**********************************************************************
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurancecompany. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
*********************************************************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
**********************************************************************
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
*********************************************************************
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serioushead wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close hecould get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
**********************************************************************
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It
onlytook the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having
sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother
became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking outthe window! Aren't you paying
attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time
this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I
was hoping that they would show up again."
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
**********************************************************************
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurancecompany. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
*********************************************************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
**********************************************************************
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
*********************************************************************
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serioushead wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close hecould get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
**********************************************************************
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It
onlytook the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having
sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother
became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking outthe window! Aren't you paying
attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time
this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I
was hoping that they would show up again."
Women Are Attracted To Specific Types Of Men
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male
face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is likely to be
attracted to men with more rugged and masculine
features.
If she is menstruating, she is likely to be impressed
by a man with scissors through his temple and a
baseball bat shoved up his ass.
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male
face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is likely to be
attracted to men with more rugged and masculine
features.
If she is menstruating, she is likely to be impressed
by a man with scissors through his temple and a
baseball bat shoved up his ass.
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