A new holiday..spread the word
>
> Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your
>
> wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and
> any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines Day you rack
> your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or
> girlfriend that you really love them more than anything.
>
> Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret. Guys really don't enjoy
> this
> that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is
> priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and
> consideration. Another secret--guys feel left out. That's right, left out.
> There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for
> the
> men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or
> just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been
> created.
>
> March 20th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective
and
>
> self-explanatory. This holiday has been created so you ladies finally have
> a
> day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no
> special nights on the town. The name of the holiday explains it all. Just
a
>
> steak and a blowjob. That's it.
>
> Finally, this twin pair of Valentines Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will
> usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in
> February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love
> machine.
>
> The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it
needs
>
> a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word and help bring
> love and peace to this crazy world.

PM's vow: we'll get the bastards

By Tom Allard and Mark Baker
October 21 2002

Australia stands ready to fight in a worldwide war on terrorism, including any military action against Iraq, "in the name of the scores of Australians who were killed in Bali", the Prime Minister, John Howard, pledged yesterday.

Mr Howard said fighting the war on terrorism at home was the "first priority" amid the risk of a Bali-style terrorist attack on Australian soil, but it was not the only priority.

"I can't understand how anybody could argue that you can respond adequately, in the name of the scores of Australians who were killed in Bali, without being part of the worldwide war against terror," Mr Howard said.

Mr Howard's determination to track down those responsible for the Bali tragedy was also highlighted during a private meeting in Kuta on Friday with relatives of the victims of the attack.

Phil Burchett, the father of one of the missing, Jared Gane, revealed that Mr Howard had hugged him and said:

"We'll get the bastards who did this."

Mr Howard said yesterday that Australia could not win the war on terrorism on its own and needed to be in alliance with countries such as the United States, Britain and Indonesia.

We are taking a break from friviolity out of respect for the victims in Bali and Oz.

May they rest in peace; may God comfort their loved ones and families; and may the evil doers be brought to justice in this world or the next. God is sovereign, all loving, and just above all our human understanding. Amen.

These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.)

Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries!

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body -- what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

George Carlin Joke number 173

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Found quotes

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
–Dave Barry

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
– Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
–Richard Jeni

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
– Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
– Paul Rodriguez

"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
– Warren Hutcherson

"Bigamy is having one wife or husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
– Oscar Wilde

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
– A. Whitney Brown

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead mans' schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.

The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

Joey Silvera's amazing website

-Joey Silvera is the world famous and iconic director of Big Ass Shemales, Butt Row, Please series, Service Animals - he has won many awards.
-This is an Asian site, a Teen site, a hardcore sex site, a Shemale site or a site for all of these categories.
-We update every two weeks.
-We put up over 1200 new pics a month and a massive amount of video clips from Joeys tapes - probably the best clipped site online.
-We offer hardcore sets with fetish material.
-Massive free tour showing much of Joey's work

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "the seven dwarfs," they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.

"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."

This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an
angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"

The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down
their cheeks as they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"

Jones, Allen

(1937)
British painter, printmaker, sculptor, and designer, one of the most committed exponents of Pop art

Although he has worked primarily as a painter, printmaker, and designer, he is best known to the public for a distinctive type of sculpture in which figures of women--more or less life-size, dressed in fetishistic clothing, and with what Jones calls 'high definition female parts'--double as pieces of furniture; for example, a woman on all fours supporting a sheet of glass on her back becomes a coffee table, and a standing figure with outstretched hands becomes a hatstand. He began making such sculptures in the late 1960s and was still producing them in the 1990s, although in a manner that he calls 'less aggressive' and 'easier to take' (they have come in for a good deal of criticism for alleged demeaning of women as sex objects; an article in the feminist journal Spare Rib in 1973 suggested that they expressed a castration complex). His work as a designer has included sets and costumes for the erotic review Oh! Calcutta! (1969).

Oxford Dictionary of Art, © Oxford University Press 1997

Instructions for Earnest Beginners
Performing Fellatio The sad fact is that most people, men and women, do not have the slightest idea of how to suck cock. Most seem to think that simply by making a cunt of their mouth, closing it around a man's penis, and bobbing their heads lustily up and down until he climaxes automatically makes them expert cocksuckers. Au contraire!

Consummate skill is required to suck a man's cock and provide him with the highest degree of pleasure possible. When I first started my quest I really had no one to turn to for advise and counsel. It was all hunt and suck. Hunt and suck. Find that one technique that could and would set him on fire! I had to learn from my experiences and while I would not want to deny you the innate pleasure that these experiences will bring I would hate to see you lose a great companion because of your inexperience and lack of expertise.

Advice on Flirting
Flirting was described as being "casual conversation with a romantic spark," and the consensus seemed to be that it is a learnable skill.

Some tips which various people offered were:

Ask specific, open-ended questions of the person you're flirting with; these demonstrate that you're interested specifically in THEM as a person, and also provide an opportunity for the discussion to take a romantic turn.
Look for humor in what the person you're flirting with is saying, and let yourself laugh at his or her jokes if you find them funny.
Try to look your best, and use good posture and eye contact.
Don't follow people around or act needy.
Don't be insincere.
The topic of rejection came up. The key thing to understand about rejection seemed to be that "everybody gets rejected once in a while." One idea was that if you never risk rejection it's likely your social life will end up being very dull. It was also mentioned that the range of tastes in body type and personality type is enormous; something that you think is a liability is for some people almost certainly a turn-on.
The question came up of how to tell if someone is interested in you. The following were mentioned as clues, especially when observed together:


If he or she is acting more flirtatious toward you than toward other people at the same event.
If his or her friends are paying attention to you when he or she isn't around (often a clue that this person talked to his or her friends about you).
If he or she is smiling while listening to you, and seems to be listening especially "actively."

There's a lot of crossover between good listening skills and good flirting skills, but there are also clear differences. For example, if you're in a job interview you're obviously going to be listening "actively," but nobody is going to confuse this with flirting. It's the "romantic spark" aspect of flirting that distinguishes it from standard "good listening."
One attendee shared some interesting ideas on the importance of "validating what the other person wants to be." This means looking for specific ways in which how someone thinks of themself as unique and valuable is consistent with their actual behavior and history.

BLONDE IN THE ORIENT

Marla wiggled her ass in the face of the half drunken Japanese businessman, he reached out and slipped his hand between her legs and ran a finger along her g-string covered crack. After the quick feel, he stuck a thousand yen into her waist band and called out to the waitress for another drink. It was almost ten o’clock in the evening, and still the company men, as they are called in Japan, were drinking and carousing with there business associates. It was said that sake and geisha girls was the oil that kept Japan’s corporate structure lubricated. Well, Marla didn’t know about the business structure, but all of the executives in the Ty Ling bar were definitely “lubricated”! Being blonde and from America was a big draw to Japanese males, probably because of the homogeneous society that was modern Japan. Since 99.9% of the residents were Japanese, there wasn’t a whole lot of variety as far as appearance was concerned, so being blonde and in Japan definitely made you an outsider, and Japanese men couldn’t seem to get enough of the American women! While corporate America complained about closed trade markets, one look at the Japanese lifestyle told an entirely different story. The Japanese wore American clothes, watched American movies, ate at American fast food restaurants, and listened to American rock music. Walking down Tokyo’s busy Ginza district, and you would have thought you were in Times Square with all the American logos burning in bright neon lights. Marla was just another American icon to be bought and sold, only her commodity was her very supple and sensuous twenty four year old body. Like she said to her American compatriots, “We’re just doing our part to help balance the trade deficit !”

Don't go now, girl. I need to work on that bottom first. Checking over the muscle tone, the exaggerated "show off" wiggle and I think I do spy some excessive moisture at the top of your slutty thighs, young lady. What have you been thinking about? Tell the nice man from France what kind of a girl you are and what fills your mind all day and night.
------------
[this graphic is now posted above at Oct 7. It will not share space with text. Don't ask me: I don't know why.]
Lie down. Get naked. Have a drink. Lift your arms over your head and close your eyes; let yourself feel vulnerable, your body opened up to whomever walks by and takes a fancy to it. Soon you're being caressed by someone you wouldn't have even thought about two minutes ago, kissed by someone who yesterday would have been utterly unacceptable to you. They're doing unusual things to you, laughing and testing your limits. Feels a little strange. Perverse, even. But you're loving it. Discovery is such a wonderful thing. You should discover things more often.

---------

Susan Ward

Frauenhilfswerk.org - wir besorgen es Ihnen! Go figure.

The Story of O / Histoire d’O / Geschichte der O

France/Germany/Italy 1975 / Dir Just Jaeckin

Review

The problem with arty porn is that it tries so hard to be something it's not; if only the wolf of pornography would stop dressing up as the lamb of erotica. The fate of Pauline Réage's novella Histoire d'O, first published in the 50s, was to be adulated by the Paris intelligentsia as a treatise on existential nothingness, and then condemned by 70s cultural feminists as a male fantasy of woman's desire for self-abnegation. Yet if Just Jaeckin's more or less faithful adaptation does anything, at least it reminds us what a small story of commonplace degradation O always was.

Ever since Story of O failed to gain a certificate from the BBFC in 1975, its reputation as the most notorious of banned sex-art flicks has grown, partly because it was feminism's bête noire and partly because of the sub-genre of dodgy female sex-quest films which came afterwards, from Looking for Mr Goodbar (1977) to The Lover (1992) and Romance this year. Now that Story of O can finally be seen on British screens it seems that time has done it few favours. As befits a work directed by Jaeckin, veteran of such soft-focus 70s and 80s sex-tosh as Emmanuelle (1974) and Lady Chatterley's Lover (1981), Story of O presents hardcore subject matter in an inanely softcore fashion. For the most part, this tale of self-annihilation looks like a cross betw . . .

Waiting, by Vanna Vechian

Waiting

"I am tired of you. You are not prepared to be mine, unconditionally. Goodbye to you and your life." He looked at me for a few moments as I stood there. He then quietly closed the door and was gone.

He has been gone a long time and has not returned. I live as if he is here. I look around me and I see the traces of his life with me, his belongings, as if he could return any moment. Dependent upon him still.

Dependent. I wanted to be dependent. There is freedom in dependency. I left ambition, so-called choice, the pursuit of success, romantic air-headedness - all the things the normal world is blindly following - behind me. What is freedom? Choice? A grand illusion. I felt free under conditions without such illusions, where he would dictate my behaviour. My one choice was simple: to say yes or no, to buy out if I wanted to, to run if the constraints were suffocating me, if the chains hurt. I was free of the troubles, the pressures, the worries, the pains that life presents to mankind (womankind no less!) today .

'l Histoire d'O pg. 31
'... he (Rene) told her it was his intention that henceforth she should be shared by him and those of his choosing .... That she was dependent on him, and on him alone, even though she might receive orders from persons other than himself, whether he was present or absent .... That he would possess her as a god possesses his creatures .... He gave her only to reclaim her immediately, to reclaim her enriched in his eyes, like some common object which had been used for some divine purpose and has thus been consecrated. For a long time he had wanted to prostitute her, and he was delighted to feel that the pleasure he was deriving was even greater than he had hoped, and that it bound him to her all the more, as it bound her to him, all the more so because, through it, she would be more humiliated and ravaged. Since she loved him, she could not help loiving whatever derived from him.

Cow Theory Of Government 9-18-2

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM - AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas

Source: email
Notice if this joke failed to offend you, particularly, please write to the webmaster and he will find something to offend you, particularly. We aim to please.

Liquor store degradation
Last summer, Cindy, my femsub, and I had a blast at a local liquor store (actual three different stores!). I'd enter the store to "protect her", then she'd enter.

Wearing, of course, nothing under a "wrap-style" dress. She'd show off a bit, bending over and showing her cute little but, getting the men to look at her. Then she'd pick up two bottles of wine and, at the same time, "lose" her dress!! (We'd make sure it wasn't tied well, of course!)

With her hands full of wine bottles, she couldn't grab it. Once the dress hit the floor, she'd then drop the wine bottle, spilling wine and breaking glass all over the dress. Oh, my god, what to do???? ....LOL!

It was really neat and strange that most often, the men would just stand and stare! ...hell, sometimes for many minutes .... while I was laughing my butt off!

Wet dress, glass shards all over the dress, nothing else to put on, standing completely naked with a wine bottle in her hand. ...pretty sight, huh? ...LOL!

Usually, after what seemed like hours, some guy would cover her with his jacket or would shake off the dress or ....

As a woman "stranger", I'd then come to her rescue and we'd drive off ... laughing all the way home! (We almost got caught by a cop ... the jerk just happened to stop in, for god's sake!)

Lady Pat

The Cum Museum : glory holes 1 GLORY HOLES PICTURES GALLERY
GUIDE : take a wall. Make a small hole into it, large enough to put your erected cock into it. On the other side of the wall is kneeling a girl. You can't see her, butshe can see your cock. If she's naughty, the unknown girl will suck you cock, and if you're a gentleman, you'll cum in her mouth. Of course you won't see it. But if someone takes photographies from the good side of the wall, you can see this. That's called a glory hole, and it is said to have been created by the gay community. Anyway, it works well with straight people too.

Office Slut "Heather can you follow me? Mr. Feller really wants to see you. I told him all about how sorry you are for being such a slut to get your job, and he says he's willing to forgive you. Then someone more deserving can take your job."
Though a voice in the back of Heather's mind was screaming for her to slap the bitch Heather took it with a smile, "Oh good Nancy. Do you think you might even get the job? Maybe I can be your secretary. You're so much smarted than me." Nancy took great delight in hearing Heather degrade herself like this. It was all she had ever wanted and more. After showing Heather off to some of the other women in the office Nancy then led her to Mr. Feller's office. She just couldn't wait for the big V.P. to see this.
"Here she is Mr. Feller, just as I promised.", Nancy said announcing Heather as they entered the office Immediately upon seeing Heather Mr. Feller's jaw dropped like a ton of bricks. He could never have imagined Heather could look anything like this. She was possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Nancy continued to gloat, "Just like I said, huh? Perfect if I do say so myself."
"And she has no idea who she was in the past?", Mr. Feller asked as Heather just stood their with a happy little smile upon her face.
"Nope."
"What about the programming? Was it effective?"
"See for yourself seir.", Nancy said. Reaching down she raised Heather's skirt, and stuck her finger into her exposed ...

Sanctuary: Being a Slut One woman's outlook ...
wth a great illustraton by Jack Henslee.
Yum yum.

Look what I found!
SHAME AND DEGRADE THIS UGLY CUNT This was Jenni, a pretty, middle class high school student and cheerleader. Until her life was rudely changed by her friends who now force her to be totally degraded to something that is lower than rats or cockrouches - named "dogshit". You can help to teach this piece of meat a good lesson. Send your most horrible, mean, sadistic insults about it. She will be forced to read them regularly and respond to them.
Latest news
She is forced to work as a stripper, put on the streets and being rented out to Masters and Mistresses.